Why Sad Mummy?
Updated: Feb 5, 2019
Soo what's the title all about? And why is this a #HAPPY and NOT sad blog? I'm going to try and avoid cliche's but unfortunately my story is one about facing fears and overcoming adversity...so they are hard to avoid! I will try to find original terms...
I'm really lucky in my life. I have a lovely (sometimes bloody infuriating) hubby, satisfying, albeit gut-wrenchingly stressful job and a generally comfortable existence. It kind of all came toppling down when I had my son almost 5 years ago. I've always strived to be perfect...the perfect daughter/sister/wife blah, blah you get the picture. So adding in the crazy mix of insomnia and hormonal turbulence of a newborn to that made for a challenging time to wannabe perfect mummy. I'm not sure exactly when it started but this crazy mix precipitated my first dance with depression...of the postnatal type...
There was no drama really to it and to the casual observer all appeared calm. I seemed to be managing alright and I guess that meant that it went untreated for a while. However, at my lowest point the emotional pain felt as if my heart was physically being extracted from my chest. I felt emotionally disconnected from both my husband and more cruelly to my son, who I'd tried so hard to be the perfect Mum to all this time. It was a long road to recovery involving lots of support from lovely (but at times infuriating) hubby and counselling, and recover I did! To the extent that I felt bullet proof and strong enough to take on things that had previously scared me!
Every Clipper crew member has their story - and I guess my reason to race is having recovered from the lowest point (I hope) of my life, that I'm now able to face all my fears (huge Atlantic waves crashing on my head don't scare me after staring up from the cold, lonely, empty dark pit that was my depressed mind).
Is it worth saying...okay I'll say it anyway...life is not about the size of your car/house/bank balance, but rather the company that you keep and the people you connect with. The Clipper family come from all walks of life but are some of the most genuine and warm people I've met - there's no hiding when you're stuck on a yacht together sharing the same personal space for weeks at a time. We're all looking for something, whether its a sense of personal fulfilment, or overcoming previous challenges. A interesting mix of humanity but all with the shared goal of working together to race the yacht- and in that shared goal finding a little piece of ourselves and each other.
My blog Sad Mummy will aim to encourage dialogue about mental health issues, particularly in ethnic minority communities. Certainly in South Asian communities, although these illnesses are prevalent, they remain very much taboo...in fact my own Mum didn't want to tell people when she had breast cancer. I was in my 20s and still unmarried - she was worried that people wouldn't want to marry me when they realised I came from a 'defective' gene pool which contained breast cancer??????!!! Nuts (well to me anyway).
So that's my reason to race. So far I've done 2 of 4 levels of training. Level 3 booked or March 2019.
To be continued...
Hit me up on Insta...@notsadmummy.